Complaint-Free Networking

 (picture from www.acomplaintfreeworld.org)

Last Saturday, my friend Sarah gave me a purple elastic band, with the words “A Complaint Free World” printed on it.  She said that along with the band came a challenge to refrain from complaining for 21 days (the amount of time it takes to ingrain a new habit).  She said that each time I slipped up and complained, I needed to move the band to my other wrist and start counting the 21 days all over again. 

I eagerly accepted the band because I thought it was a great idea.  I loved the idea of reducing the negative energy and free-floating complaining in the world.  I must admit, I took the band a bit smugly. I put it on my left wrist, confident that it would stay there for the entire 21 days.  I think of myself as a very positive person, who is very grateful for the life I lead. I figured it would be no problem for me to go a mere 3 weeks without complaining.

So, I got the band on Saturday afternoon and put it on my left wrist.

Saturday evening - Going back to my hotel after my coaching class, I had to take a NY subway downtown in suffocating heat. Due to some construction, the express trains were running local and making all the stops.  Moved the band to my right wrist.

Sunday – Took the final exam for my coaching class. What I thought was going to be a two-hour short answer test with a single essay question, turned out to be closer to a two-hour all essay test.  Moved the band back to my left wrist.

Monday – Caught a flight from NY to Phoenix. Sat on the runway for 45 minutes waiting to take off.  I’d already been away from my husband all week when I was in NY and he was in Connecticut; now I was going further away.  Moved the band back to my right wrist.

Tuesday - Discovered the water heater in my apartment in Phoenix was broken. Took a cold shower. Moved the band back to my left wrist.

Wednesday - Despite a note from the maintenance man that he had repaired my water heater, there was still no hot water. Washed my hair in cold water. Moved the band back to my right wrist.

Thursday -  Problems with my laptop caused me to spend 15 minutes searching for a phone number for “customer service” – and then to sit on hold waiting to talk to a human being for another 25 minutes. Moved the band back to my left wrist.

Friday - Catching the red-eye from Phoenix to NY and then taking the first morning  train from Grand Central to Connecticut – might as well go ahead and move the band over to my right wrist now.

So, what did I learn in the first 7 days of my grand experiment?

I could say that this week has been worse than usual, but that wouldn’t be true.  Every week, every day, has incidents that push us to complain.  The truth is that I complain more than I realize; the band just made me more conscious of it.

The problem is that complaining is negative energy.  As we discussed in yesterday’s post, people are attracted to positive energy and repelled by negative energy. So while I may get momentary relief from complaining about my situation, I am actually doing myself more harm than good. The people I am trying to connect with, will actually eventually start to avoid me.

This is important for the would-be networker to realize. While it is important to connect with people with words and passion, those connections should be positive in order to be nurturing and sustainable. 

There are over 2 million purple bands in circulation.  If you would like one of your own, order here. They’re free although they accept donations to cover expenses.  But be forewarned – due to the high demand the bands are taking currently 12 weeks to be delivered.

Once you get the band, see how long it takes you to go 21 straight days without a complaint. Wear your band to your next networking event and use it as an icebreaker. Tell the people you meet about your 21 day project – I’m sure they’ll be interested – but whatever you do -  don’t complain about it!!

What do you think of this project? Would you take the challenge? Or do you think that complaining serves a purpose?

Network with Passion

 (photo by Linda Van Dijk)

I read a fantastic post this morning written by Marilyn Suttle.  Marilyn is an expert in customer service. She co-writes the blog, LoveThemUp.com.  In her post Marilyn tells about a truly terrible day that was turned around by the positive energy exhibited by a waiter at a Big Boy restaurant.  The waiter was so sincerely happy and enthusiastic that it was contagious. Along with their chocolate malts, Marilyn and her husband got an invigorating shot of energy to take back home with them.

I loved this story because it illustrates how energy can be literally transferred from one person to another. 

Stop for a moment and think of a person who makes you feel good just by being around them. If you are drawing a blank, think of the last time you were around a two or three year old child.  Even if the child was a complete stranger in a restaurant or an airport, you were probably drawn to their energy and their delight in the world around them.  This type of sincere enthusiasm is compelling.  We find ourselves thinking that “we want what they’re having”.  

Contrast that feeling to the one we get when someone is pretending to be friendly, as in the stereotype of the “used car salesman”.  Even though he or she acts friendly, we can sense that it is forced and insincere. This contradiction makes us uncomfortable. Instead of being drawn closer, we are repelled.   

What does this mean to us in our networking?

First, it is important to remember that people are drawn not just to what we say, but to how we say it. Our energy speaks volumes before we even say a word.  This can be a challenge for the majority of us who are uncomfortable in networking situations.  If we are feeling anxious, scared, shy or depressed, others will sense that and have a tendency to steer clear. This, of course,  will make us more anxious, scared, shy or depressed, causing them to avoid us even more, and so on, and so on.

So, what is the nervous networker to do?

First, take a deep breath.  Consider that this can actually be good news for those of us who feel tongue-tied in groups.  It means that people will remember less about what you actually said, and more about how you made them feel.    That takes some of the pressure off of “saying the right thing”.

It also means that it is extra important to tap into our positive energy and passion. Even for the most nervous among us, there are ways to do that:

1) Talk about subjects you feel passionate about  – whether it’s the feedback you got from a customer, your belief in how your service can help the world, or the satisfaction you are feeling from knowing you are building a business that really reflects your values, your enthusiasm will come across in your voice and your face.

2) Network while volunteering for a worthwhile cause – again it’s all about the passion and the energy. Don’t get involved in something because you think “you should”.  Get involved in something that you would be interested in doing even if you don’t meet anyone to network with.  And then, remember to speak about it with passion the next time you’re at a more traditional networking event.

3) Network while pursuing your hobby – Whether it is quiliting or kayaking, a book club or a wine tasting, your enthusiasm is going to come through. When you are doing something you enjoy, your confidence and your energy incease.  You will be more open to others and they will be more receptive to you.

Increasing the energy and enthusiasm in your life doesn’t just benefit the people around you. It benefits you!   You will feel more passion and purpose in life, and other people will in turn be more drawn to you, increasing your passion and purpose even more!

Tell me about what you feel passionate about – how do you incorporate opportunities to feel energetic into your daily lives?